Thursday 16 February 2012

Feedback required - Transcription Screenplay and Storyboard (70% complete)

Here is an update on my transcription project. I have written the screenplay and I have completed 70 % of the storyboard / animatic. I originally intended to include a narration at the beginning of the animation. When I was putting it together, I really liked it without a voice over. I added the narration and like that too. Therefore I need some feedback, both are embedded in this video..... WITH or WITHOUT the narration?

Grandad's Story Screenplay

1 comment:

  1. Hey Paul,

    I have to say that I found the opening moments of your animatic very moving somehow - I was reminded of paintings by Chagall. I loved that long shot of him rising up into the clouds. In regard to the voice over - I loved it without - simply because of its surrealism and assertive 'magic realism' - but, after all, this is a transcription of an existing source, and the emphasis on family etc doesn't convey without the voice-over. The quality of performance in the resulting voice-track is going to be key - the quality of the voice - because that will add musicality to your piece. Talking of music - you need your music track to be royalty-free if it isn't already.

    I'm a bit worried about the ambition of this piece - simply because of the character-modelling/animation/environment/planes etc - my gut instinct is unless you can find 15 weeks of production time out of your remaining 7, you won't be able to produce all your assets while ensuring a high quality of execution throughout. That said - your script in its entirety works very nicely - it works. I think you should discuss with Alan the idea of putting a cap on the expected outcome of the Transcription project - BUT - think about this piece as your first animated film - i.e. that you continue working on it for the remaining weeks of term and throughout the summer - because what it will teach you will prove invaluable in terms of your scaling your ambitions for the minor project in year 3 - and also because, if you get it right, this piece, I feel, has the potential to find an audience.

    In terms of style - what I absolutely love about your animatic is the way it recalls the animations of Raymond Briggs - and all the implied 'Englishness' and craft. I don't know what thoughts you may have had about over-arching style - but a 'pencil crayon' world of soft cross-hatching and diffuse textures would just so suit this story and its magic realism and its nostalgia.


    This is very promising stuff, Paul - but please, consider the issue of 'small, but perfectly formed' as opposed to 'must make entire film come what may' - make a perfect section of it - which gives you everything you need to know in order to complete it at a later date - because I think it's worth investing in.

    Oh - and I think the ratio of action to credits in your opening animatic could be radically pruned - that's a lot of sky/clouds etc, and while I appreciate this project is personal, I'd consider not having all the info about the book and its author and in association with UCA sitting between the audience and what comes next - a lot of that info could simply come at the end - it just seems a shame to interrupt the fluidity of the character's flight from his room...